Splitting Dhaka: A theoretical approach that makes sense only to dumb,
fools and idiots
Afsan Chowdhury
So we have achieved Dhaka bhongo. Because it was so unexpected and
unwanted and since people thought that there was no reason to do such
a thing they are expressing their puzzlement. Many think the
authorities should have been spending more time solving other pressing
city problems instead of doubling it by creating another municipality.
To lessen this confusion, we discussed the issue with several persons
of repute and this is what the findings are:
Historical theory: Dhaka bhongo or roney bhongo
The partition of Bengal in 1905 led to the rise of Bengali Muslim
politics which ultimately gave birth to Bengal Muslim League which
produced the politics that ultimately led to the birth of the Awami
League and later to Bangladesh. The government wants to try out a
historical experiment by Dhaka bhongo similar to Bonga bhongo as a
tribute to that historic process before the 40th anniversary of
Bangladesh is celebrated.
One Dhaka will be called Bijoynagar and the other will be called
Mujibnagar. This is in line with the government policy to change
titles including the Zia airport and other places. Sheikh Hasina is
hoping that her experiment will make her so popular that Khaleda Zia
will give Roney bhongo.
And when the BNP comes to power the names will naturally be changed to
Zianagar and Shadhinata nagar.
The governance theory or the Abul model
One of the main reasons cited by the authorities in favour of
splitting Dhaka is that it will improve services. It stands to reason
that if more people spend more time doing nothing for the same number
of people, services are expected to improve. It is not by accident
that Dhaka is the second worst city in the world after Harare.
So although it seems a little complicated how a failure can become a
success simply by duplicating it elsewhere, there is a plan that by
hiring only political elements loyal to the party, better services can
be guaranteed to the party. So actually, all the staff will be
replaced by cadres and they will 'take care' of complaints. Then there
will be great competition between the cadres of the two
municipalities, more than the famous sprint competition the
communication minister Abul Hossain won. So the races will be under
categories like 'longest period without water', 'largest pile of
uncollected garbage', 'hugest korbanir haat run entirely by mastaans',
'largest number of fake certificates issued in a calendar year',
etc.
Economic or two stock exchanges theory
This is considered one of the main reasons for having another
municipality which is gaining more economic benefits. Apparently, the
finance ministry has said that it sees no way out of the economic
crisis because nobody knows anything about the economy. So the plan is
to duplicate all that exists in present Dhaka since it doesn't make
any economic sense in the other Dhaka also. That means establishing
another stock exchange.
There is a feeling supported by empirical evidence that most
Bangladeshis who play the share market are mentally challenged. They
are under the impression that it has nothing to do with economics but
doa of the murrubbis. Taking advantage of this brilliant analysis made
by the people, the government thinks that another stock exchange will
draw in more people, who will invest more money and that is always
good for some people who know how to be more rich. And more rich means
more political donations and more people interested in the stock
market rather than politics means more success for the government.
Dual administration or Swiss Bank theory
People want to try out the Swiss model where the state is divided into
many municipalities called "cantons". The cantons are entirely
independent and any Swiss even to cross from one canton to another has
to obtain permission. The result is the largest cluster of law abiding
people and largest number of banks hoarding the world's most
ill-gotten gains and black money. The government wants to become a new
Switzerland so the plan is to plant more 'cantons' headed by party
leaders and open more banks which will be permitted to operate Swiss
number accounts.
This will not only make Dhaka a tourist attraction – "Come to Dhaka
the Switzerland of the East (where there is more black money, more
black market and more black people than Switzerland)" but make black
money safer in black banks when not invested in the stock market which
goes belly up rather frequently.
World Bank funded project or repeat ban rickshaw to end traffic jam theory
The World Bank is reportedly funding the move because they want more
competition in municipal governance. They think that if the city is
split into two municipalities there will be free market governance
system and this will lead to better services as a result of
competition. It is a very old approach but then the World Bank has
not been known to be very modern either.
The WB is keen to fund this project to recover from the bad reputation
they acquired when they suggested in 2000 AD that by taking rickshaws
off the road, Dhaka's traffic problems will be solved. No laughter
please but the WB interest is also linked to solid waste management as
well which is both the specialty of the Bank and the Government and of
course the twin municipalities'.
The French government/IMF-naked-in-the-shower theory
It is possible that the French government and/or the IMF have jointly
funded this project because of shortage of water in the shower. It
seems farfetched but visiting Frenchmen particularly those working for
the IMF think it is essential for the health of the global economy to
step out of the bathroom shower naked and seeing them the hotel maid
is impressed and propose to have sex. I swear I didn't make it up.
Just read what the French national Dominique Claude-Strauss who headed
the IMF said in his interview.
Apparently some French/IMF or both officials did go into a local
shower but couldn't come out because there was no showering as there
was no water which is common in Dhaka. It was a disaster as the maids
came and went but the official got no opportunity to show themselves.
So the plan is to set up some decent French owned hotels with special
water treatment plants to ensure shower water and organise large
number of maids for visiting French/IMF officials. A new city will
provide better chances as they have given up on the existing city.
'I have no idea why it was done, nor does anyone else but what can
anyone do about it' theory
This is gaining rapid popularity to explain why the city was split.
When asked to explain what it means, an official asked what the age of
the questioner was. When the man answered that he was thirty years old
the official said, "That is the reason why it was done". When the man
said, "but that doesn't make any sense", the official responded by
saying, "That is what I meant."
So welcome, goodbye, farewell and whatever to whatever has happened
and what will happen next. Goodbye old Dhaka, welcome new Dhakas, real
or counterfeit.
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Afsan Chowdhury is a Consulting Editor of bdnews24.com.
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[Disclaimer: ALOCHONA Management is not liable for information contained in this message. The author takes full responsibility.]
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