Dear Moderator; Here is an English tranlslated version(translated by Abul Kashem) of the essay 'Marriage', written by Eka(me).
Thanking you,
Eka.
Marriage
By Eka
May 3, 2008
(Translated from Bengali into English by Abul Kasem)
There will be no introduction to this article. I understand my previous essays had very solemn tones. Nevertheless, my writings have endeavored to depict the progress of humanity from the primitive stage to the current civilization. I leave it to the readers to assess my success on this effort.
There is no denying that from the very beginning of civilization women wanted to remain faithful to their husbands. Women considered it an oppression to have multiple sex partners. To be free from such oppression women chose to have one bed one husband. Millet (1969, 116) found absurdity in Engeles's theory, because he (Engeles) thought women do not like sex.
According to the English common law a wife requires to fulfill certain covenants if she wants to have the protection of her husband. The aim of such covenant is to render the wife non‑existent. Let us read this covenant in the Bible:
Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh (Gen. 2:24, King James IV version).
This Bible verse might sound good, but the legal meaning of it is the virtual death of the woman.
For the same reason, we read in the Hindu scripture:
Her father protects (her) in childhood, her husband protects (her) in youth, and her sons protect (her) in old age; a woman is never fit for independence (Manu Samhita 9:3; translated by Georg Buhler).
Fatima Marnissi has revealed the idea of sex and women in Islam in her seminal work Ma Wara& al-Hijab--Dynamikia al-Mudhakar wa al-Mu&anass fi al-Mujtama# al-Islami al-Hadith" [What Lies Behind the Veil--The Dynamics of the Male-Female in Contemporary Islamic Society].
According to her, Islam views sex as a primitive force, which is neither good nor evil. The use of sex determines its usefulness or its destructiveness. The desire for sex in women is much stronger than men. Therefore, a woman is a potential threat to create social tension. If this intense sexual desire in women is not controlled it will lead to fitna or social disorder, which might destroy the society. In Islam, it is very easy for a man to divorce his wives. But for a wife the divorce is a death sentence. Muslim wives always live under the sword of the dreaded word talak (divorce).
To satisfy the sexual desire a Muslim man is allowed to have four wives at any time. Unfortunately, this might not be enough for many Muslim men.
Under the threat of talak (divorce) it is so easy to establish full control on Muslim wives. In the Arab world, it provides the Arab men unprecedented opportunities to enjoy women. In contrast, Muslim women have almost no right to divorce husbands. Because, as per the Islamic marriage contract, a wife is not entitled to the mahr (dower money) if she divorces her husband, or if she had already received the mahr she must refund the money if she files to divorce her husband. Recently, with the adoption of Muslim Family Law (1961) in Bangladesh, reforms have been made to the talak and underage marriage. Even then, the women of Bangladesh are still the victims of Sharia.
In the beginning, the civilized world adopted the policy of marriage of one man one woman. This ensured the paternal identity of the offspring. This also entrusted the ownership of all property to the father.
In a marriage there is more chance of infidelity from the husband. The woman has very little say on this.
In Greek civilization there is proliferation of goddesses, which demonstrate the position of women in the ancient Greek society. The degradation of women started with the beginning of the age of 'Heroism'. During this period, it was noted, that the men had sexual relations outside marriage, whereas the women were forced to protect their chastity, or be fully devoted to their husbands.
This demonstrates that one man one wife is strictly true for women, not for men.
Demosthenes said, "For sensuality we have harlots, for concupiscence we have mistresses, and for sons we have wives". (De Bevoir 1949, 119).
Ancient India practiced polygamy.
I think these will suffice to illustrate the status of women in ancient cultures.
To a certain extent, marriage quenches a woman's desire for sex; but it is mainly to satisfy her husband, and not to fulfill her own carnal appetite. In the institution of marriage (Islamic marriage) the husband buys the woman's body, just like purchasing a commodity to enjoy. He then uses her according to his needs—household chores, offspring, her sexual organs, child bearing, rearing, and so on.
Truly, in an Islamic marriage a woman is completely uprooted from her parental family. She is forced to disconnect from her past. In this Islamic marriage the dreaded word talak is also intertwined. The western women fare better on this; they are not so helpless. For them divorce is not a disaster. For a long time they are advantaged to manage their lives according to their wishes.
I perceive there is very little connection between love and marriage. A woman is married due mainly to societal and religious (Islamic) demands. In this connection please note that a woman is married whereas a man marries. The difference is significant. One might note that if a man chooses not to marry, he suffers no indignity, whereas a spinster does—an unmarried woman is a social outcast, the society completely forgets her. This means a woman is a spineless creature, forever dependent on a man. The man supplies food, shelter, and clothing, so he is the provider for the woman.
In Hinduism, it was customary that an unmarriageable woman be married to a tree. Mauten said, "We desire, healthy, rotund, and chaste women that is both hot as well as cold." (De Boveir, 1949, 459).
In Sahih Bukhari we read:
The angels curse a woman for refusing to have sex with her husband…4.54.460
Let us read this hadis in full:
Volume 4, Book 54, Number 460:
Narrated Abu Huraira:
Allah's Apostle said, "If a husband calls his wife to his bed (i.e. to have sexual relation) and she refuses and causes him to sleep in anger, the angels will curse her till morning."
This is the ultimate fate of a woman depicted in the Holy Scriptures written by men. Even the angels curse the woman. It is as if the woman cannot have anything of her own, such as her likes, dislikes, and her physical and mental status. If she refuses sexual intercourse she is inflicted with the divine punishment described in the above hadis.
One tyrant husband used not to sleep with his wife. He even distrusted his daughters. So the wife did not have a bedroom of her own. She slept with her daughters. At the dead of night, when the husband approached her for sex, she had very little choice but to comply right in the presence of her daughters.
In the common English law a woman falls under the category of a child, imbecile and completely insane. She has no power to discern. She is the property of the husband. He is entitled to enjoy her as he wished. Bacon explains this ownership in this manner:
He is entitled to beat her, but not severely or cruelly. If needed, he can restrain her, but not imprison her.
The western women have discovered that home, sex, children, husband, and furnishings have chained them. These things have gradually robbed their individual freedom. They had been suffering from "house‑wife fatigue".
It is true that marriage and family is the inevitable destination of life, especially in Bangladesh. This country is the fertile land of oppression of the poor women. This is also true for the higher class, and middle‑class women herded in comfortable houses.
Sadly, the talent a woman possesses to offer to the world mostly dies when she enters into a marriage contract. Soon, the system of marriage, acting as a prison, abolishes her opportunity to blossom her intellect and aptitude. This is especially true in Muslim families where sons have preferential treatment in opportunities. Women are trained to be good house‑wives. The education of women is mainly aimed at personal grooming, and home decoration. An educated woman is a showpiece at home, just an ornament to be proud of. A husband prides in sleeping with an educated woman. I know a lady who had all the talent in the world to shine on her own. She was a university graduate before she left parental home. Now, after she entered her husband's home her talents on singing, acting, and other fields are stymied, almost to the point of extinction. Her husband's household has forbidden her from indulging in such un‑Islamic activities. She has to stop communicating with her university classmates. Curiously, they had a so‑called love‑marriage.
Additionally, this forced subjugation extends even when the wife is more capable than the husband. The condition of wives in poor countries is worse and grotesque. A husband repeatedly rapes his wife, not just physically but spiritually, mentally and destroys her world of existence.
Just to exist the wife has to resort to pretention; while sleeping with him she acts in the bedroom. She is forced to play such a game of deception lest she loses her husband to another woman. Absolute fear haunts the wife through and through. This is how the so‑called sweet life of marriage continues. That progressive‑minded woman is now praised as a dutiful and obedient maid servant. The only difference between female domestic maid servant and the domesticated wife is that, while the former receives wages, the latter does not. In Islam, the wife's status is that of a dignified sex-slave.
References:
1.Nari (women), Dr Humayun Azad
2.Rahul Sankrittayon
3.Dan Brown
4.Bertrand Russel
5.Various religious sources
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